The Lord makes firm the steps

 of the one who delights in him;

 

though he may stumble, he will not fall,

    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

Psalm 37:23-24

My children recently began binge watching "The Brady Bunch" by my suggestion.  Honestly, I was so tired of the shows found on another popular network and was looking for something a little more wholesome for them to ingest on these long days of winter here in Pennsylvania.  Memories come flooding back to me as I watch the scenes play out for me again on the screen.  This time through my adult eyes.  I notice things I never did before through my innocent, unknowing eyes.  I laugh at things that were not understood as a child.  I long for the days of wholesome television and quite frankly the simple lifestyle that once was.  Life is far more complicated since the days of the Bradys 45 years ago. We are buying the lie that  

we must "have it all" and to "live the dream," yet somehow in all the noise and clatter I lost focus of what that was.  I don't blame it on the media or society.  I am to blame.  For I took my eyes off the cross just a few too many times.  I started to try to gain control of every situation.  Those that have happened, those that are about to happen and those experiences far off in the future... as if I could mitigate what was to come.  

Twelve years ago, I left my beloved career as an elementary educator to take some time to live what I thought would be a simpler life.  It was time to take a break and raise our children.  At that time, our son was the only one present, but I was sure, because I am a planner, that God would provide us with another child.  I hoped for a healthy second child and was granted that request by the birth of our daughter.  Life was exactly what I had planned it to be.  God blessed us with so many great memories, experiences, friends and family to walk alongside us as parents.  I really couldn't have asked for anything better.  I cherish the memories of raising my babies to be the fantastic kids that they are.  They are God-fearing children.  Mostly obedient and kind-hearted.  As time ticked by, I was given the opportunity to complete a Masters of Education at Bethel University during my leave of absence from my job.  With the help of my husband and parents, I completed it and defended my thesis in approximately 26 months.  I was my intent to return to my position having accomplished this, yet God had other plans for me.  In April of 2009, my heart was delighted to know that God wasn't finished with our family yet.  Though slightly shocking at the time, we were blessed with the birth of our second daughter in January of 2010.  This, however, would alter the plans we had made for our lives to the fullest.  From here, we sat back and watched God work.  It was time to hand over the keys.  I would like to say I opened my hands up wide and got into the back seat, but that simply hasn't come naturally for me.  It causes me anxiety and pain and anguish.  This is why I am blogging about it tonight.  I have resolved to let my life be used to His Glory instead of trying to shine the light on me.  I have decided that I will learn to be disciplined in every sense.  

I was young and now I am old,    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken   or their children begging bread.  They are always generous and lend freely their children will be a blessing.[b]Psalm 37: 25-26