A huge part of my journey as a professional teacher turned stay at home mom has been deciding if and when I should return to a position in the school. For the most part, I always believed I would. I held on to many items from my past teaching experience and I have taken part-time jobs that fueled my desire to eventually return. This year, I began substitute teaching in the elementary schools where our girls attend. It has been a very humbling, but great experience for me. As the year winds down, the district is beginning to post open positions for next year. Just yesterday there was a position for Reading Specialist at a nearby school posted. My application is completed and nearly ready to send. I, however, am SCARED. In working through my feelings, I decided to conquer my fear by typing out what it is that I am actually scared about. This, I feel may be a productive exercise one way or the other. As I do so, I must remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for you to prosper and not to harm you."
I seriously have been telling my husband all year that I would love a job like this. He has encouraged me to apply for it. At the very least, to explore the option. So here goes:
Things that are causing me anxiety about applying for this position:
1. I already have a job as a stay at home mother and wife. I am not clear about how the responsibilities I have here will be spread out and accomplished well if I am not available.
*What if the kids get sick? Who will take them to appointments? Who will pick them up if I am not able to? Who will shop for groceries, and other necessities? When will we have time to clean up and do laundry and such?
2. What if my husband's job isn't secure and we need to move?
*I might take a job and get started in it and then we have to move? I don't want my job to hold us here either.
3. What if I get the job and it is over the top crazy and I can't do anything well?
4. Will I miss key events in my own kid's lives because I am busy with the children of others?
5. What if I hate the job? What if I don't like the people I work with or the administration?
6. What if I get an interview? I HATE interviews. They are so stressful. I would really need to prepare.
7, What if I have to give up several weeks of summer to be able to accomplish this? That would be difficult
8. Working full-time limits our flexibility in being able to leave or take a vacation during the school year.
These are just my initial thoughts. On the other hand. I could switch all of these questions around.
When I do that and look at the positive, I see my life having more purpose and me being a happier person.
I think the next step is to just submit the application and ask got for guidance. I would love for Him to make the decision for me. I would love for it to be easy. But I don't think it will be. I just really want to honor Him either way. And when this is over, if I don't get offered the position, I would love to be able to move on.
I will be praying over this the next few weeks and will come back to update my life soon.
KP
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